Wednesday, August 11, 2010

To sleep, perchance to dream

I adore sleep.

You don't understand how much I love it:
My big bed.
My fluffy comforter.
My many pillows arranged to surround my body juuuusssst right.
And my stuffed animal (don't judge!)
Does it get any better?
As for dreams, well, I don't remember many.
But the ones I do remember stay with me for a long time.
And it really sucks that I mostly remember my nightmares!
But this past Saturday,
while I was in the in-between
(you know, the land between wake and sleep)
I had what had to be the most bitter sweet reverie of my life.
I don't remember many of the details,
but I was feeling sad toward the end.
I was in the bathroom,
putting my face on,
when I realized I didn't want to live with this awful feeling.
The only way to get rid of it was to suck it up and call him.
Call him and
tell him I'm sorry,
I love him,
what a fool I've been,
to please forgive me.
I remember feeling better with my decision.
I was a woman with a plan of action.
And, seriously, how could he resist me?

Then the wake became more prominent.
The dream mist began to clear.
I remembered I couldn't call him.
I couldn't talk to him.
As I lay there, in that land,
I couldn't help but feel so lost and helpless.
So vulnerable.

I awoke with a tear-soaked pillow.

1 comment:

Jere the Hottie said...

I don't judge you at all! I sleep with a pound puppy I got from my Gramma when I was 7! That was 26 years ago mind you! Don't sweat over that. =)

He was a great guy. I miss him too. I have a song for you that I keep forgetting to give you. It's called "Press On" by Shoshana Bean. It's on her Superhero album. Go to iTunes and download it. Everytime I hear it I think of him singing it to you.

Love you! Mean it!