My own worst enemy...

So, I made a promise to my nephew, Alex:

I would get my driver's license by the end of January.

And I'm gonna keep that promise.

I have been out driving with Kate, Clark, Linc, and my Bro all last week,

and I'm getting more comfortable.

It's still a little daunting,

(I pee my pants a little each time I have to make a left-hand turn)

but I'm not letting that stop me.

Because the more I drive,

the sadder I get.

I have lived a very unfulfilled life,

and I have no one to blame but myself.

I love Theatre,

but I have never been in any other production except those in college.

I just couldn't get to auditions.

Because I didn't drive.

I have lost touch with friends,

friends who wanted to meet before I had to go to work,

friends who wanted to hang out on the weekends.

Because I didn't drive.

I have lost the opportunities of the many adventures I could have had.

Because I didn't drive.

Not to mention,

the many sales that have past me by.

Because I didn't drive.

I am going to be 30 years old this year

and I have barely lived.

I have lost so much time.

Matt once told me what one of his best friends

said about our relationship when that friend found out I didn't drive and

Matt always had to go all the way to South Mountain to pick me up:

"I would have dumped her a long time ago."

I am so glad he didn't.

I am so glad he thought me worth the effort.

Not to mention, worth the gas!

I am so glad he loved me enough to put up with me.

But I know how much he wanted me to learn.

Not for himself, mind you,

but for me.

He wanted me to be happy,

he wanted me to have freedom,

he wanted me to live for myself.

He didn't even care about the toll our bank account would take,

given the fact that I would have the

freedom to go to Sephora whenever I wanted.

He really DID love me.

So, now, going in to the 30th year of my being in this world,

I am going to embrace my newly acquired freedom.

I am going to have an adventure.

I am going to live.

And, in doing so, I hope I make Matt proud...

but most importantly,

make myself proud.

I'm ready.