A Lizard Tale

Sundays are Dee-licious

2011-06-13T11:18:00.000-07:00

So impressed with the culinary delights coming out of this show.

And such DRAMA in the kitchen!

I'm loving my Sundays that much more lately.

Some Favorite Words

2011-06-07T21:24:00.001-07:00

Yes, I like words
- the way they sound coming out of your mouth
the way they make you feel
the expression on their face when you sneak your fancy word into conversation -
Love it!
So of course, I have a dictionary app on my phone.
And it comes with the Word of the Day.
So here is one of my favorites:

Foofaraw

[FOO fuh raw]
~ a fuss over a trifling matter
~ excessive amount of decoration or ornamentation

Sample: Ashley, the new Bachelorette, had on too much foofaraw at last night's rose ceremony.

Somebody, PLEASE use it in a conversation.
And tell me how much fun you had.
~wink

Dear BigRedCat...

2011-01-24T22:05:00.001-08:00

It's been 2 years.

Still surreal.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you

that I don't miss you

that I don't love you.

I'm trying to live my life with laughter and joy

but sometimes it gets so hard.

It's those moments when the silence creeps in that are hardest to bear.

I can't handle them yet.

I don't know if I ever will.

I hate that my life has had to become one without you.

One moment, I was on the precipice to happiness.

The next, I was shoved into the bleakest state of reality.

And here I live, floundering about.

I miss your love.

The way you looked at me,

like I was special,

beautiful.

Like I was...

well,

Loved.

I'm so sorry.

So very sorry for any moment I didn't make you happy.

So very sorry when my selfishness got in the way of us.

So very sorry if I wasn't what you wanted, needed.

Just so very sorry.

I should have been better to you, for you.

I feel so impotent now.

And I'm not OK,

I'm not fine with this.

But do I have any choice in the matter?

Sometimes

I hate being "Strong"

I hate being "Happy"

It's so tiring.

I'm so tired.

I just want what I can't have.

So where does that leave me now?

Awkward moment

2010-11-04T17:13:00.000-07:00

Omigoodness!

I feel so awkward...

You know when you say something and

even before you finish what you are saying, you think

"What am I DOING!?"

"Why am I saying this?"

"Please stop talking!!"

But of course, your mouth is slow to respond,

so you end up saying what you wished you had never said in the first place.

I was at work and this new co-worker passed by.

(Mind you, I had maybe one conversation with her previous to this)

She's a cute girl, friendly, and so she waved when she saw me.

Me, being the "cool chick" that I am, said

"Hey, Cutie!"

Loudly.

She kinda just gave the "smile".

You know, the one you give to a crazy person, hoping they will leave you alone.

And when she passed by me going back, she kept her gaze down and averted.

I felt so dumb and creepy!

Geez!

Who says this?

She will probably file a restraining order against me.

Happy Puppy-versary!

2010-11-02T21:14:00.000-07:00

One year ago today

this little nugget came into my life.

Nov 2 2009

I am so grateful for Zane.

And even when he pees in the house

or chews on the occasional heel,

I can't help but love him.

He wriggled his way into my heart

and I can't imagine my life without him.

He has helped me through some difficult and dark times.

He has been there with his love and energy,

giving me a reason to get up each morning.

I know it's silly to feel so for a dog,

but I don't care.

I just know he has helped me heal.

So happy puppy-versary, Zane, you silly nugget.

And thank you.

Nov 2 2010

Halloween Shenanigans!

2010-11-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

I love Halloween!!

This year, we celebrated at a tea party held in Wonderland.

Then we enjoyed spiced cider, pizza, and the original "Halloween".

There was as much laughter as there was screaming.

I love me a good scary movie!

As to the picture, the pig noses were there,

so why not?

But my favorite part of Halloween were my nuggets!

Such cuties.

They were so good in costume.

Zane was my little French man and
Leelu was a Spidergirl.

I still giggle whenever I look at these pictures...

I hope you all had a great Halloween, too!

What would you do...

2010-10-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

...if, in going to the bathroom, you turn your head and see this?

Luckily, I didn't have a neighbor at the time of my discovery!

What do you say, if anything to the person next to you doing their business?

Or do you just ignore the person ?

Seriously, what would Emily Post or Miss Manners do?

I was so worried the next day.

I even tried to prepare a topic of conversation.

You know, just in case.

But boy was I relived to walk in and find this...

Tacky?

Yes.

Comforting?

Definitely!

Funny story?

You tell me...

I miss this...

2010-10-26T09:26:00.000-07:00

I love cold weather...

2010-10-22T16:32:00.000-07:00

Because I can have this:

Starbucks Caramel Apple Cider.

With EXTRA caramel.

Mmmmm....

So warm....

B-day Celebrations!

2010-10-12T19:44:00.000-07:00

So 30 came and went.
And it was a BLAST!
I was treated to a whole weekend of celebrations.
First, there was a GNO,
which started at Kona Grill for some requisite sushi
and DEE-licious Sprinkles cupcakes.

Next stop was Sephora, to pick up my birthday gift
and then we all went to LUSH!
and were pampered with scrubs, soaps, and masks.
We made H&M our last stop,
where I skipped away with an
adorable shrug, two satin tiered tanks, a necklace and headband.
Score!
And of course, we ended the night with fro-yo and Road Karaoke.
It was such a good night.

The celebration continued the next night at the movies
where Linc, Chris and I caught "The Social Network" which I loved!
Add in a Dr. Pepper, some popcorn, and coconut M&M's, and I was golden.

On Monday, Ali, Kate, Clark, Ivan and I dined at
Pappadeaux,
my most fave of restaurants!!
Yummy!
We had frog legs, fried alligator, soft shell crab, shrimp gumbo, crab cakes, and fillet mignon.
AND we also had key lime pie, banana pudding, creme brulee, and bread pudding.
It was exquisite!
We laughed so much that night!
Which did not help our super full stomachs.
Ouch.
We ended that night with Road Karaoke, too!

It was a wonderful way to celebrate my 30 years on this planet.
Very memorable.
Especially since I will probably always have the extra 30 lbs I gained from that weekend to remind me.

Fro-Yo!!

2010-10-09T21:29:00.000-07:00

I love fro-yo!

The whole experience:

taking stock of the many dee-licious exotic flavors
sampling my top 3
deciding which flavors go best together
deciding which of the many toppings to add to my icy treat
then chillin' with my pals and talking gossip

Loves it!

Mmmm...

This is what you come away with

And this is what you end up

Happy snackin'!

A New Hope

2010-09-29T13:26:00.000-07:00

Yearning by Jonas Ranum Brandt

October 4, 2010

I will have been on this Earth for 30 years

30 whole years

I'm terrified

Not because I'm getting older, mind you.

(Age, after all, is only a state of mind and my mind screams "20!!!")

I'm terrified because I have such high expectations for the big 3-0.

I look toward 30 with stars in my eyes

and I can't help myself.

I know that I will probably be in for a huge let down,

but there's something magical about that number.

To me, it means a chance for change,

maybe a new beginning,

maybe some excitement,

something unexpected.

I want so desperately for something wonderful to happen,

something amazing.

Every morning, my alarm goes off and

I awake feeling a yearning for that something.

I've grown so tired of being trapped in the

cellophane wrapped haze of the past 2yrs,

where everything I see, touch, feel is muted and dull.

I want excitement.

I want vibrancy.

I want happiness.

I want a life.

I want so, so much...

And hence my fear of 30.

LUSH!

2010-09-02T15:57:00.001-07:00

I adore LUSH!

It has the best smelling products!

I can seriously spend hours in that store getting pampered and inhaling the lovely aromas.

My last foray into that wonderful store gave me

Love Lettuce - lavender scented exfoliating mask for normal to oily skin.
It has almond bits to gently remove dead skin and
china clay to absorb the dirt off your skin.

Cupcake - a chocolate scented mask to help prevent breakouts and
it also removes excess oil.
It has peppermint oil to stimulate and sandalwood oil to soften.
Yum!

as well as:

SexyPeel - a delish bar of soap!
I almost want to eat it!
This is a bar of soap that I would welcome to have my mouth washed out with!

Previously, Dark Angels had made it home with me.

It is a facial scrub that does wonders for an oily complexion, such as mine.

It has powdered charcoal and black sugar to absorb the oil and exfoliate the skin.

It also has avocado oil to soften it and rosewood oil to make it smell divine.

Careful, though!

It gets messy!

Now, one of their most luxurious items are their Bath Bombs.

It just a ball of happiness.

They can make any bath time a party for one.

Just sit and breathe in all the goodness...

Ahhhhhh....

My 2010 Grads!

2010-09-01T14:13:00.000-07:00

Yay!!
My puppies graduated!
I was so nervous, thinking for sure they were gonna fail.
But they didn't!
I'm so proud!

They both had to show they can

sit
wait
stay
leave it
drop it
down
come when called

It was a long and grueling test.
(wink, wink)
But let me tell you,
they were well rewarded with
yummy blueberries and lovely carrots.
Delicious and nutritious.

But what really made me laugh was this past Sunday at Church.
I was sitting next to this sweet, but mischievous little boy,
who held on to his little plastic water cup that was passed at Sacrament.
He started chewing on it and cracking it
and making a big racket.
His Mother, red in the face, kept whispering
"Give that to me!"
"Drop that!"
"Leave that alone!"
I quickly turned my face and buried it in my hymn book!
Although, to be honest, I don't think I fooled the red-faced Mother.
My shoulders were shaking so bad!
You see, my puppies passed their obedience school.
They both know the Drop It/Leave it command.
Hmm...
Maybe I should give that poor mother PetSmart's card?

New Treat!

2010-08-31T15:46:00.001-07:00

Sweet and salty

Delish!

But I do feel a little bad for the neurotic Orange M&M.

Poor little dude.

But I thank him for his sacrifice.

Help!

2010-08-18T10:36:00.000-07:00

I am in truly desperate need!!

Look at my hair!!

It is a triangle!

I have TRIANGLE hair!!

AAUGH!!!

As my curly haired sistas know,

Triangle Hair is a common mishap we must face in between hair cuts.

And now you're saying "So get a hair cut!", right?

Well, DUH! (she says with an eye roll)

But as the wonderfully talented Meg,

who just so happens to be my hairstylist as well as niece,

just gave birth to her very own ador-UH-ble nugget

who occupies all her time and attention (she says with a smile )

there really is no end to my plight.

You see, Meg is GREAT!

She knows how to make me look good.

And since she is out of commission for the next couple of weeks,

I foresee ponytails and updo's in my immediate future.

But I will keep strong

and bear this mark of shame

with my head held high.

Which will be a bit difficult,

since it is all this hair that is weighting it down...

To sleep, perchance to dream

2010-08-11T12:50:00.000-07:00

I adore sleep.

You don't understand how much I love it:

My big bed.

My fluffy comforter.

My many pillows arranged to surround my body juuuusssst right.

Oh!

And my stuffed animal (don't judge!)

Does it get any better?

As for dreams, well, I don't remember many.

But the ones I do remember stay with me for a long time.

And it really sucks that I mostly remember my nightmares!

Gross!

But this past Saturday,

while I was in the in-between

(you know, the land between wake and sleep)

I had what had to be the most bitter sweet reverie of my life.

I don't remember many of the details,

but I was feeling sad toward the end.

I was in the bathroom,

putting my face on,

when I realized I didn't want to live with this awful feeling.

The only way to get rid of it was to suck it up and call him.

Matt.

Call him and

tell him I'm sorry,

I love him,

what a fool I've been,

to please forgive me.

I remember feeling better with my decision.

I was a woman with a plan of action.
And, seriously, how could he resist me?

Then the wake became more prominent.

The dream mist began to clear.

I remembered I couldn't call him.

I couldn't talk to him.

As I lay there, in that land,

I couldn't help but feel so lost and helpless.

So vulnerable.

I awoke with a tear-soaked pillow.

Leelu, my lil' glutton

2010-08-09T13:22:00.000-07:00

Leelu seriously INHALES her food.

And Zane is not much better.

20 seconds after the food gets put down, it is all over.

20 SECONDS!

And to top it off,

Leelu makes this weird honking/hacking noise after she finishes.

It really is quite frightening!

Well, this past Saturday, after our puppy training session,

I meandered over to the Martha Stewart section at PetSmart,

looking for her beautiful sky blue treat jar.
It it the perfect complimentary color in my kitchen.

And it's functional, too!

Anyway, I saw that she had some food bowls, also.

I then noticed these funny looking bowls that had Grand Canyon grooves in them.

I picked them up and read the back of the package.

Those little Grand Canyon grooves actually force the pup to slow when eating,

thereby reducing the risk of chocking and bloat.

How brilliant is that!?

AND
it actually works!

As off Saturday evening, Leelu is honk-free!

Madame Stewart is Brilliant!

Now if she could only help me with Leelu's humping of Zane problem...

You wanna know what I'm craving?

2010-07-01T09:52:00.000-07:00

This!

Chocolate covered strawberries Blizzard.

Me was sooooo bad!

Crusin' down the aisle, just me, Gnarls, and the boy.

2010-06-28T09:52:00.000-07:00

So I'm at Fresh & Easy

shopping for sustenance.

All of a sudden,

"Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley comes on.

I'm feeling good, so after taking a furtive glance around me,

I start to wiggle my hips,

bop my head,

do a little shuffle down the condiment aisle.

Then I hear:

"Oh yeah! Get down!"

There he was, the stock boy, stocking the bread.

I tried to laugh as my face begins to flame.

I hurried the rest of the condiment aisle,

but

I kept bopping my head to let him know I wasn't embarrassed.

But I was.

Oh,

I was.

2010-06-23T09:47:00.000-07:00

Coconut M&M's = Deliciousness

It's my in-need-of-a-sugar-rush treat.

Yum!

Get a bag today!

TS3!

2010-06-22T10:16:00.000-07:00

Such a great movie!!

Totally worth the 3D!

Please go see it!

Oh!

And take tissues!

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

I love this man.

All the best that My Boo had in him

was because of him mother

and because of his father.

I am in utter awe over this man.

His strength

His love

His kindness

His intelligence

I always teased Matt that I only married him because of his family.

He would just shakes his head and say "I know."

This Renaissance man is what I always wanted in a father.

And now I am blessed to call him that.

Happy Father's Day

to this wonderful man

who holds a piece of my heart.

You wanna know what I hate?

2010-06-17T10:08:00.000-07:00

A steering wheel that has been

baking

in the hot Arizona sun!

Sorry...

2010-06-14T22:34:00.000-07:00

So this past weekend I had a serious on and off case of the

mean reds.

They always seem to engulf you when your alone.

And it takes a while to shake them off.

But it helps to write.

It's a good outlet.

So...

Sorry for the emotional babble.

And thanks for not holding it against me.

Why...

2010-06-12T20:39:00.000-07:00

Why are things so hard?

Why is it so hard to be happy sometimes?

Why is it so hard to maintain a light spirit?

Why is it so hard to keep a constant smile?

I feel like my Happiness has been ripped from me.

Sometimes I wake up so angry

and it takes so much effort to to let that go.

I hate that feeling.

It's such an ugly feeling,

so black and deep.

But it's so tiring to constantly look about you

to find something, anything that will lighten the mood,

that will lighten your heart.

I'm so tired.

But what can you do, right?

You have to keep trying to smile.

You can't let the darkness overcome you.

You have to keep waking up in the morning.

And you have to find a new Happiness.

A Spoonful of Summer

2010-06-03T23:44:00.000-07:00

Yum!
Blackberry Rum Sorbet
from Fresh&Easy
Light and sweet
Perfect for a hot Summer day.

How Puppies are like Toddlers

2010-06-02T22:49:00.000-07:00

This is Leelu.
She's cute, huh?
And she's also a Pill!
Last night, I stayed up till 5am
unpacking and cleaning and hanging and arranging and moving...
I just felt like cleaning.
And for me, since I don't feel like it very often,
I decided to go with it.
And boy, did I!
I felt so accomplished!
But that feeling soon faded away when I was rudely awakened
by 2 impatient and hungry pups at 9am.
I sluggishly made it down the stairs in one piece,
let Zane and Leelu out, fed them and kept moving.
I painted some lamps,
unpacked more books,
picked up the dog's poop,
swept the floors,
fixed my TiVo,
and made lists.
By 1pm, I was exhausted!
I made my way upstairs to take a nap.
And because I don't trust the pups with all my unpacked books,
I made them come up with me.
Now, Zane is a doll and he immediately jumps up on the bed
and curls up and closes his eyes.
But Leelu, the Beast, decides to run around all willy-nilly.
I put her on the bed.
5 mins later, she's back on the floor, running rampant.
Back on the bed she goes.
She lays down.
I close my eyes.
The Beast is back on the floor!
This continues a couple more times.
Finally, close to tears,
I hold her up to eye level and explain to her that I need some sleep!!!
Yes, I know, trying to reason with a puppy is plain foolishness.
But I was sooooooo tired!!!
I didn't know what else to do!
But something must have gotten through to her
because she FINALLY settles down.
Thank goodness!
Seriously, having a puppy is like having a 2 yr old.
Or so it seems to me.
:)

I got a job!!!

2010-05-27T22:40:00.001-07:00

ASU Undergrad Admissions!
And this means benefits, tuition breaks,
hanging out with Ali at lunch,
spending my time with others besides just my dogs,
and best of all,
A GOOD PAYCHECK!!
And we all know what a good paycheck means, right?

paying bills
gas money
food
vet
entertainment
clothes
peace of mind

I am so excited about this!
Finally, a job where I can use my skills and grow as a person
a job where I can move up and learn new things.
I feel so light right now.
Finally, some good news in my life.
Thank you ,Heavenly Father, for this great blessing.

Grace Under Pressure? Ummm....

2010-05-22T12:20:00.000-07:00

So, here I am, dog-sitting for Kate and Clark as they frolic in DisneyWorld.
And let me tell you, it has been a surreal experience.
I had 4 dogs at my apartment, running in and out and up and down.
Craziness!
So I decided to take them all to Kate's house, since she has much more room.
Much better for the pups.
Now, these 4 dogs are super cute and loving,

so it is no hardship for me to care for them.
But Mazie, Kate's baby, is preggers.
We were thinking she was about 30 days along.
And we were really worried about her because she is only 1 yr old

and has a hernia and weighs less than 6 lbs

and my pup, Zane, the culprit behind here pregnancy, weighs 13 lbs!!
I was soooo worried about Mazie.
So, there I was Wed morn, laying on the couch getting ready to watch Lost.
Mazie was trying to sleep in the crook of my arm,

then she moved on to my back,
to my thighs, finally settling on the back of my knees.
Then I felt something hot and wet spreading on the back my knees.
"Omigoodness!! This little wench just peed on me!!"
I put her on the floor and look at the damage.
It was a lot of pee and still more on the floor where I put her.
"Jeez! Pregnant pups can't control their bladder!"
As I'm sopping up my jeans and the floor,

Mazie is licking and licking her "area 51".
"Ummm...was that pee? Or did her water break?!"
I kinda take a peek at Mazie's "area 51" and my jaw dropped.
There was something there that wasn't there before!
For a split second, I actually thought something had fallen out

and I had to push it back in!
Well, it then dawned on me that she was giving birth!
Oh Mother of Pearl!
I didn't know what to do!
And these puppies weren't supposed to be here yet!!
And I was ALONE!!!!!
So, meanwhile, Mazie drops the first puppy and walks away.
It was gross.
I'm not even gonna lie.
So there was this puppy still in the bag.
I took it and opened the bag.
And I threw up a little in my mouth.
There was this little seal-looking thing,

with legs and paws and ears and a tongue and tail.
But it wasn't moving.
And it was still attached to all the goo.
So I put it close to Mazie and she started to eat the goo.
And I again threw up a little in my mouth.
She kept chomping and chomping and then I guess she chomped to much
because there was stuff coming out of the pup.
It looked like intestines.
This is when I started to freak out.
I immediately get online to find a closer vet, since ours is 30 min away.
I get in my car and drive!!
Now on a normal day, I am a strict adherer to the rules of the road,
but I totally disregard them this time.
I get to the vet and they take the puppy from me

to see if there is anything they can do.
The vet comes out and she says there is nothing to do.
The pup was too premature.
It didn't even have any fur.
But they told me to bring Mazie back with any other pups that she has.
They also tell me they can dispose of the little pup for me.
I say thank you and I leave.
I race to get back to Mazie, who greets me at the door, tail wagging.
She then gets back to business.
I look around to see if Mazie had had any other puppies while I was gone.
And there it was, in the living room, under the table.
And it was also cold and not moving.
Then Mazie gives birth to her 3rd puppy.
I think I'm prepared for this third one,

knowing that it was not going to live either.
But when I saw Mazie cleaning him up, my heart cracked.
I know it's dumb.
This is nature, right?
But I just feel so awful and impotent.
There is nothing worse than knowing there was nothing you could do.
You just have to sit there and let it happen.
I pick up the little guy and put him in a plastic container with his sibling.
I then sit down next to Mazie.
She puts her little head in my hand and looks up at me through big brown eyes.
"I'm so sorry, little momma."
I sit there with her for an hour or so as she sleeps and I cry.
The other dogs, Zane, Chloe, and Leelu sleep around us.
2:30 comes around, time for the vet.
He takes an x-ray and sees something else in there, but it doesn't have a heartbeat.
He gives her a shot to help her expel whatever is still in there.
She comes home with me and sleeps most of the day
and I take her to the vet again the next day to see if she is okay.
The vet takes another x-ray and says with confidence that she is good to go.
I breathe the hugest sigh of relief.
"Thank you!"
I feel my shoulders roll and my stomach unclench.
I am so sad that there won't be any furry puppies

running around tripping over each other,
but I am still so grateful:
Grateful Mazie is ok,
Grateful the other dogs behaved,
Grateful for my friends,
and hecka Grateful I know how to drive!

We are such stuff as Dreams are made on...

2010-04-09T20:51:00.000-07:00

So today I woke up at 12:30.

I could not believe it!

Granted, I couldn't get to sleep until 5am, but still!

But you know what?

I am so not sorry.

I had a fabulous dream.

One of those soul-warming

bright, cheery yellow

misty-eye inducing

bittersweet

yearn-worthy

dreams.

He was there.

I saw his smile

and I felt his warmth.

The whole family was there along with:

Disneyland tater tots (I have NO idea)
McDonald's chicken Nuggets (ditto)
Lots of Diet Coke (naturally)

He played with the little ones,

he teased the big ones,

and he hugged all of us so hard.

I've missed my Matt hugs.

I know I was smiling in my dream

because I woke up smiling.

How could I not?

He was there.

And he told me he loved me.

Sweeter words were never spoken.

Even if it was just a dream.

2010-03-27T02:29:00.000-07:00

New Kindle commercial.

The song is called "Stole My Heart" by Little & Ashley.

How cute is this?!

Happy 1st Day of Spring!

2010-03-20T10:57:00.000-07:00

A Prayer in Spring

~Robert Frost 1915

Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers to-day;
And give us not to think so far away
As the uncertain harvest; keep us here
All simply in the springing of the year.

Oh, give us pleasure in the orchard white,
Like nothing else by day, like ghosts by night;
And make us happy in the happy bees,
The swarm dilating round the perfect trees.

And make us happy in the darting bird
That suddenly above the bees is heard,
The meteor that thrusts in with needle bill,
And off a blossom in mid air stands still.

For this is love and nothing else is love,
The which it is reserved for God above
To sanctify to what far ends He will,
But which it only needs that we fulfil

Vroom-vroom!

2010-03-17T14:07:00.000-07:00

Yes, what you see is, in fact, my Driver's License.

My Driver's License!

Crazy!

But it was a ordeal, let me tell you.

The lady wouldn't accept my certified copy of my marriage license because it looked like a copy, so I will have to go back later and pay for a new license
She almost made me take the written test again. I had to argue with her in the nicest way possible to just get a road test
I had forgotten that my insurance company hadn't been able to withdraw my payment for the past 2 months so I had to call Progressive to get up to date
It was then I realized I still didn't have proof of insurance because I hadn't received my new cards. I really HAD been driving illegally!! I had a mild panic attack at this point.
I had to ask them to fax me proof of insurance because I had seen a notice stating I had to show proof of insurance prior to taking the road test
I then proceeded to wait 25 min for the fax to come through
FINALLY I was able to start my test, but by this time there were about 6 other cars waiting in line to take their test and I realize I had to pee
When I got to the front on the line, I realize it is for a 3 pt turn test. The test administrator told me I have 3 tries, but if I hit a cone, I'm out. I had practiced 3 pt turns, but never with cones. Needless to say, it took me all 3 turns (cuz I'm a nincompoop) but I passed that part
Then I had to wait in line for my actual road test. Chuck, my test administrator, came along and got in the car. He then proceeded to instruct me on where to go
I tried to chat him up cuz I was a little nervous, but he wouldn't give me anything, so I continued to drive in awkward silence still having to pee
Finally, we arrive back at the DMV. I anxiously await for Chuck, my new BFF, to pass judgment

Chuck: "Well... you passed!"

Me: "No way! Are you kidding me?"

Chuck: "No, I am not kidding you."

Me: "Sweet!"

Chuck: "Have a nice day."

But I could tell deep down, way, way, way deep down, he was ecstatic for me.

As well he should be, for a 30 yr old newly licensed driver.

So here I am, a valid license in my hot little hands.

Hmmm....

This must be what every 16 yr old feels like...

Happy St Paddy's Day!

2010-03-17T13:58:00.000-07:00

Hope you find the end of the Rainbow!

Thank you.

2010-03-15T22:17:00.000-07:00

Image found here.

This past year has been a bit disconcerting, to say the least.

I feel I have been flattened, kicked, pureed, whipped, tossed, spiraled,

and on and on...

How can someone go on after all this pain?

But then your kind words come to mind,

your strength.

I am not a strong Chicky.

I am terrified of everything.

And at times I feel so alone.

But every time I think I can't get out of bed,

I remember I am not alone.

Not really.

There are many of you who have been through unimaginable pain

and have found the grit and need to continue on in this phase of our lives.

I think about that and I stop the Pity Party for 1.

Your courage overwhelms me.

And it saves me.

Thank you

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

2010-03-14T14:26:00.000-07:00

"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense.

Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what isn't.

And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be.

And what it wouldn't be, it would.

You see?"

~Lewis Carroll

I finally got to see Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland" in 3D.

The 3D was superfluous, in my opinion.

But the rest of the movie was beautiful, visually stunning.

It had the Burton darkness amidst all the Alice color.

It was a very clever reinvention of the movie

and I really appreciated that it was made to be a sequel.

I really dislike remakes for the sake of remaking (i.e. Fame).

Of course, this had an all-star cast:

Helena Bonham Carter

Johnny Depp

Anne Hathaway

Michael Sheen

Stephen Fry

Alan Rickman

etc...

And I really liked Mia Wasikowska as Alice.

She had a vulnerability and plainness that made her sweet and believable.

As you can tell, I liked this movie.

I thought it enchanting.

Have you seen it?

What do you think?

Chelsea Handler leads to Tinkling...

2010-03-13T13:14:00.000-08:00

This woman is Hill-arious!

Been watching her show, Chelsea Lately, for a while now.

She almost causes my death nightly.

She definitely causes me to tinkle now and then.

But be warned, Parental Discretion is advised.

She was in town on Thursday, to do a book signing and a show.

I was lucky enough to be at the book signing.

I was so nervous!

I was trying to think of something clever and witty to say.

But my mind was utterly blank!!

All around me, tons of people were still in line.

It was crazy!

So that's what I said.

"This is crazy!"

She looked up from the book and said

"Awww... well thanks for coming."

"No, thank you!" I gushed.

Yes.

I gushed!

I am ridiculous!

But I got to see this gifted and unbalanced woman!

And I got to see her stand up, later that night.

It was an all Chelsea Day.

Cheers!

Ready for Spring!

2010-03-11T00:30:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited!
I found the next best thing to turning lead into gold:
turning Garage sale $ into clothes!
Specifically, this cute lil' number from Shabby Apple.
Yay for junk!

Love at the Museum

2010-03-10T00:38:00.000-08:00

St Mary Magdalene Meditating

Georges de La Tour

1636-8

I recently saw this at the LACMA

and I fell instantly in love.

I normally don't like this style of painting,

too dark and oppressive,

too heavy and forbidding...

But I love this.

I love the juxtaposition of the candlelight and shadows.

It makes me feel as reflective as the subject

and there is an innocence among all the darkness

that I find enlightening.

I found it truly captivating.

What do you think?

My perfect ending...

2010-03-06T01:42:00.001-08:00

I love this book.

But I didn't always.

I remember when I first read it in fifth grade.

I thought the boy selfish and undeserving.

In fact, I kinda hated him.

That poor tree,

all that she did for that boy, all in the name of Love.

And where did it get her?

It got her to the point where she was a stump

and a old man's tushie was sitting on her!

Why didn't she ever tell that boy where he could shove off to?

She kinda made me mad,

letting him walk all over her like that.

So mad, in fact, that I never picked up that offending book again.

Until a couple months ago.

I read that book, with much of the same old feelings.

Then I read that book again.

And again.

And I really saw those 5 little words:

"And the tree was happy."

And it gave me pause.

I want to be that happy one day, I realized.

I want to give all that I can, all of myself, even, just as that tree did.

Life is hard.

It pushes at you

and pushes at you

until you are ready to push back.

Then it just pushes you some more,

throws you to the ground,

and proceeds to sit on your chest

until you pass out from lack of oxygen.

So to have those moments of Love amidst all that torture,

it kinda makes it worth it, right?

To know that I had made even one person happy,

well that's enough to make my story bearable.

And one day, it might read:

"And Liz was happy."

I am so weak!

2010-02-20T16:17:00.001-08:00

I am so susceptible to television!

While watching and cheering the Olympics,

I have been bombarded with McDonald's' commercials

advertising their new Sweet Chili sauce.

I finally succumbed to the pressure and, let me tell you, it was worth it.

Delish!

It is a mild sauce with a slight lingering burn.

Perfect for dunking mini sponges masquerading as chicken.

Yum!

Unfortunately, it is only here for a limited time.

So go get it while you can.

It is really delightful.

Lovelies...

2010-02-18T16:20:00.000-08:00

Can't wait for Summer, when these beauties come out.

A-dor-able!

But what color?

Hmmm...

That's a tough one...

Happy Day of Love...

2010-02-14T21:22:00.000-08:00

from me

to you

Happy Birthday, Boo!

2010-02-08T23:35:00.001-08:00

We celebrated Matt and all his greatness at Disneyland.

We even had him by proxy, since he is totally Sully.

And it really was a magical day:

it was rainy, so it wasn't busy at all
we got to ride Space Mnt twice, WITHOUT having to get off
I lost my phone on Star Tours, but a sweet man found it and returned it
we got a Lunch reservation at Blue Bayou
where we proceeded to stuff Nat's purse with lovely rolls for a later snack
everyone loved our moustaches
we got a picture with Mickey WITHOUT having to wait in line
we got to ride in Soarin's prime seats
I got a 155,800 in Midway Mania, second only to Alex
we danced for the Piano Man on Main Street
AND we got a 2 for 1 ticket, so we get to go again for FREE!

I love Disneyland.

Almost as much as I love Matt.

Happy Birthday, Boo.

We felt you there.

Bioshock 2!

2010-02-08T23:26:00.001-08:00

It's predecessor is seriously one of the coolest video games I've ever seen.

And I do mean seen, cuz I just sat on the couch

and watched Matt and Dan play it.

As if I could ever play a serious game.

Give me Street Fighter and Rock Band any day.

But I loved watching this game get played.

It had the coolest story and amazing music.

And the graphics were kick-butt!
The sequel comes out today, and I'm excited for it,

but sad cuz I don't have Matt to play it for me.

How am I supposed to know what happens?

I'll buy it if someone will come over and play it for me.

Any takers?

National I ♥ Uncle Matt Day!

2010-02-08T22:10:00.000-08:00

January 24, 2010

A year came and went.

We sent messages to Matt in balloons.

I know he got them.

And he knows we love him.

Moose-tache Party!

2010-02-02T01:18:00.001-08:00

Why?

Because we can!

I covet...

2010-01-30T09:23:00.000-08:00

this *emera bag.

I want with a want so great...

Maybe for my birthday?

Or better yet,

for Matt's birthday, since his is in Feb and mine is in Oct.

Wait!

Brilliant idea!

Can I have his birthday as the day I get presents

and my birthday as the day I get older?

That would be AWESOME!!!

Am Loving...

2010-01-29T20:32:00.000-08:00

...this from Urban Outfitters.
And the sale price of $6.99 makes me Love even more.
See for yourselves here

Rihanna & Shy Ronnie

2010-01-28T20:45:00.000-08:00

Made me pee my pants, too!

Keel's Simple Diary

2010-01-26T16:31:00.000-08:00

http://www.simplediary.com/
I recently ordered one of these.
Mine came in sunny yellow.
What first intrigued me about this simple diary was that is was, in fact, simple.
Ever since I was a little girl, I have been wanting to keep a diary.
There is something romantic and sweet in
taking a pen to paper and writing down your inner most thoughts.
But unfortunately, I never felt I had important enough inner thoughts.
And I never had the exciting life those pages deserved.
Well, that's how I felt, anyway.
Well, this little book is designed for people exactly like me!
As Mr. Phillip Keel states in this book-

"There are three reasons why most people, although they have tried. won't keep a diary:

Not every day is very eventful
It actually takes a lot of discipline
In retrospect, many find what they have written quite embarrassing

In all my many tries at keeping a diary,
I definitely found all three reasons to be true.
So, with the help of this little book,
I will be able to accomplish my girlhood dream.
I'm so excited!

Smile...

2010-01-23T22:58:00.000-08:00

...though your heart is aching

Smile even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky,

you'll get by

If you Smile through your pain and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun shining through

for you.

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just Smile.

It's been a year.

This realization seems harder to take in.

It means that I have lived a whole year without him.

A whole year.

Because time and the world keep on going, right?

No matter how much hurts.

But I have decided to take January 24 head on, with a smile.

Because Matt deserves to be celebrated.

He deserves a day of laughter, sweetness, love, and Orangina.

So let me start the celebration with some little reasons why I love him:

he always called his parents once a week
he always let me take control of the car radio
he could always find something redeemable in any movie
he always helped his family and friends with any tech problems
he always listened
he always teased me
he never judged
he had a smile that warmed your soul
he wore funny t-shirts
he loved pop culture
he was a Best friend to so many
he loved his video games
he hooked up a phone handset to his cell phone
he had a Muppet dance
he had the best sense of humor
he loved to read
he made killer sushi
he always took care of me when I was sick
he had the best hugs
he looked so good in blue and red
he dressed up like a rock and roll pirate
he loved his family so much
he is my Superman

Just to name a few...

My own worst enemy...

2010-01-19T21:06:00.000-08:00

So, I made a promise to my nephew, Alex:

I would get my driver's license by the end of January.

And I'm gonna keep that promise.

I have been out driving with Kate, Clark, Linc, and my Bro all last week,

and I'm getting more comfortable.

It's still a little daunting,

(I pee my pants a little each time I have to make a left-hand turn)

but I'm not letting that stop me.

Because the more I drive,

the sadder I get.

I have lived a very unfulfilled life,

and I have no one to blame but myself.

I love Theatre,

but I have never been in any other production except those in college.

I just couldn't get to auditions.

Because I didn't drive.

I have lost touch with friends,

friends who wanted to meet before I had to go to work,

friends who wanted to hang out on the weekends.

Because I didn't drive.

I have lost the opportunities of the many adventures I could have had.

Because I didn't drive.

Not to mention,

the many sales that have past me by.

Because I didn't drive.

I am going to be 30 years old this year

and I have barely lived.

I have lost so much time.

Matt once told me what one of his best friends

said about our relationship when that friend found out I didn't drive and

Matt always had to go all the way to South Mountain to pick me up:

"I would have dumped her a long time ago."

I am so glad he didn't.

I am so glad he thought me worth the effort.

Not to mention, worth the gas!

I am so glad he loved me enough to put up with me.

But I know how much he wanted me to learn.

Not for himself, mind you,

but for me.

He wanted me to be happy,

he wanted me to have freedom,

he wanted me to live for myself.

He didn't even care about the toll our bank account would take,

given the fact that I would have the

freedom to go to Sephora whenever I wanted.

He really DID love me.

So, now, going in to the 30th year of my being in this world,

I am going to embrace my newly acquired freedom.

I am going to have an adventure.

I am going to live.

And, in doing so, I hope I make Matt proud...

but most importantly,

make myself proud.

I'm ready.

Happy Holidays!

2009-12-27T00:01:00.000-08:00

What better way to say it than with a SNL skit?

Next year's Halloween costume? Hmmm...

Dear Santa...

2009-12-17T11:41:00.000-08:00

...I know it's been a while since I last wrote you.

Umm... how ya doin'?

Opps! I know, I know, super busy time for you,

but I was just wondering if I was on the "Nice" List?

Umm...I think I should be.

I've done ok, this year.

I mean, I've been nice to people (for the most part)

And I've eaten some vegetables.

I've also done most of my homework.

I have to work on cleaning my room, but it's so hot in there!!

I probably should watch less TV, but I think it makes me a funnier person.

And that way, I can share my funnies with the world.

"Make 'em laugh," and all that, right?

And, to make it easier for you, I have attached my little list.

Do with it what you want.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this.

I'll never stop believing in you.

I love you, Santa.

Sincerely,

Lizeth Sayas Hill, age 29

Liz's Christmas List

- Keel's Simple Diary

-1 TB external hard drive

-Tom's shoes in Red

- Kindle

- Xbox Live

- Ruffle Scarf

- Seychelles Scallop Pumps in Black (Urban Outfitters)

- Glee Volume 2

- Super Mario Bros for Wii

- a cute sewing basket

- Pearl necklace with cute detail (Amazon)

- Pink Chucks

- Circa 78 Wildflower necklace (Urban Outfitters)

- Seychelles Suede Pumps in Blue (Urban Outfitters)

- JLA Encyclopedia

- Marvel Encyclopedia

- Lock for my trike

- cute apron

- Fuji Instax Camera

- Batman Ultimate Guide

- Daisy by Marc Jacobs

- Emera Camera Bag

- Fur trimmed hoodie (AE)

Happy Anniversary...

2009-12-14T20:48:00.000-08:00

December 14, 2007

It was the best of days.

I never felt more beautiful

and I never felt more loved.

That was the day that my life was to start.

I had the most amazing man

and he loved me.

December 14, 2009

It was the loneliest of days.

I never felt more dejected

and I never felt more alone.

This is a day that reminds me of what could have been.

I had the most amazing man

and he loved me.

And I miss him.

Wednesdays have never been more Fab!

2009-09-09T11:38:00.000-07:00

Need I say more?

So come on over tonite.

I'll have treats!

p.s. and peanut m&m's for you, Hope.

Bon Appetit!

2009-08-27T22:26:00.000-07:00

Loved Julie & Julia!
As soon as this bright and charming movie was over,
I pulled out my phone, clicked on the Amazon app,
and ordered this intriguing book.
I can't wait to delve into it.
Beef Bourguignon, here I come!

Brain shortage

2009-08-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

OK, so my mom bought tickets for her and me

to go to Florida to visit my Aunt in Orlando.

Super exciting!

But then I decided to also take a couple of classes during the Summer.

So like a good and diligent student,

I made sure the dates of my final and midterm did not conflict.

My tests are set for Saturday, August 29.

Perfect, because I leave on the 18th and get back on the 23rd, right?

I requested my time off way in advance

and planned my homework schedule

so I wouldn't have too much to do on my vacay.

Well, on the 17th I awoke at 7 am to check in online.

It wouldn't let me.

"You may not check in more than 24 hrs in advance."

OK, our flight must leave at 7:30 am, so I wait and try again.

"You may not check in more than 24 hrs in advance."

What?

I check my email to look at times and I had the times correct.

But the dates...

now they were another story.

Aug 25th through the 29th.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am seriously that lame-brained.

I called my mom in a panic, thinking she is on her way to Phoenix.

Can't get a hold of her, so I leave a message.

I decide to bite down and pay the extra $300

to purchase tix leaving on the 18th.

It is my fault, after all, not my mom's.

Well, it turns out my mother had the correct dates all along,

so I paid $300 for nuthin'.

But those dates conflicted with my exams!

So I had to change the flights to leave on Sept 1st

and my poor mother had to talk to her manager about

changing her vacation dates.

I told her to tell the tale of her "special" daughter.

Crikey! How mentally defective am I?

Anyway, it all has worked out:

My brother and his baby are coming along also,

so it will be our first Family Vacation since high school.

I'm still excited.

A little embarrassed, but excited.

To Purge is to Breathe...

2009-08-26T21:35:00.000-07:00

Now don't get all excited.
I'm not talking about that kinda purging.
Ewww!
Today was a productive day off:
I got some clothes altered
I finished my last two essays for my Bio class
I disconnected my computer and all electronics
I took apart my desk in order to send back a get one that doesn't fall apart
(funny how it took almost a quarter of the time it took me to put it together)
I put together a clothes rack
I went through my closet and got rid of anything I don't (or won't) wear
I went through some papers and recycled what I don't need anymore
I went through some photos and smiled and laughed and cried
I went though all our blankets...
I got rid of 3 of his blankets...
sending them to DI...
But I still have his nasal spray...
his Bajio punch card...
his broken Treo...
his last pair of shoes...
not ready to give those up...
But I feel lighter.
A little at a time.

Fierce!

2009-08-21T18:38:00.000-07:00

Way Hot!
Christian Siriano, our Project Runway Doll,
goes slummin' for Payless ShoeSource.
Gotta love the hot mess.
These beauties don't make a dent to my bank account either @$35 a pop.
And the ankle boots...
Oh la la!

Blew me away!

2009-08-15T14:53:00.000-07:00

I adore Science fiction, thanks to my brainy husband.

And this movie did not disappoint.
Go here to read my review on "District 9"

It was killa!

(the movie, not my review.)

I'm not nearly as verbose as Matt was.

But I'm willing to give it a try.

Tangible Memories

2009-08-14T00:12:00.000-07:00

www.storypatchquilts.com

My lovely and super talented Sister-in-Law
made me this beautiful quilt made up of Matt's shirts.
Each shirt tells a story:

He wore the bright orange on our 1st date...
He had on the burgundy shirt the day I fell in love with him...
He wore the blue vertical stripe at Kate's wedding...
The lavender one was worn at our wedding...
He wore the brown horizontal stripe I bought him all the time, it's so worn...
I loved him in the red horizontal stripe...
He looked so handsome in his navy "metro" shirt...
All his Conservatory shirts...
His "No, I will not fix your computer" and "Five Bucks Coffee" statement shirts...

I am so grateful to Cindy.
I feel like I still have a little piece of him with me, however superficial it is.
I'll take whatever I can get.
These Tangible Memories of mine...

Bryce Thompson Arboretum

2009-08-13T23:38:00.000-07:00

Meg and I went to The Bryce Thompson Arboretum today.
It was a beautiful summer day,
overcast and slight showers on and off all morning.

A good day to enjoy nature.

Matt had taken me there the first month of his courting me.
It really is one of my favorite dates.
It was so unique and out of the blue.
I wouldn't have expected it from him.
Which made me love it even more.
And him.

Finally...

2009-08-10T09:13:00.000-07:00

the perfect Red.

Duwop has a new lipstick,

"Private Red"

It's a color changing lipstick that morphs into each woman's perfect shade of Red.

It's temporarily out of stock at sephora.com, but I'm gonna try the shop.

Time to get your mad-men on.

2009-08-10T01:37:00.000-07:00

I miss him...

My hand literally aches to touch his face.

Oh, how he hated that...

He would always ask me why I had to touch his face all the time.

He would get so frustrated.

But I couldn't help myself.

It was just the cutest face.

And I kinda liked getting him all frustrated.

He barely ever lost his cool.

And in spite of all the face touching, he still married me.

I honestly don't know how I tricked him,

but whatever I did worked.

Poor guy.

I think Sundays are the hardest.

I loved our lazy Sundays:

church

napping

watching iron chef

star trek

paula dean

Every so often I would glance at him to find him watching me.

I'd say "What?"

He would simply say "You're cute."

He was such a silly goose.

And my heart breaks each day knowing I can't touch him.

It's so hard.

Hard to keep going forward when there are days when I just want to stop.

Just close my eyes and find that the world just stopped.

Give me time to breath.

I really hate going on,

waking each day,

learning new things,

planning a future...

A future without him,

without our home,

without our children,

without our dog...

The worst is this anger I feel that is directed at nobody.

It just sits on my soul.

I pray to Heavenly Father for some peace.

Hopefully someday it will come.

I'm still waiting...

Ahhhh....

2009-08-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

Am so in love with this...

August 14 2009

Will have:
1. Popcorn
2. Dr. Pepper
3. Sour Patch Kids
4. Waterproof mascara
5. Tissues
6. My best girls

Perfect!

My First

2009-08-07T19:49:00.000-07:00

Kay, so I'm 12 yrs old.
Wanna know who my first crush was besides Atticus Finch?

This guy.

I think it was the dimples that did it.
Yum.
My first and only beefcake crush.
And then I heard him speak.
Beginning of the end.
Forgive my shallowness?

"You give your cheeks a rosy stain..."

2009-08-07T09:40:00.000-07:00

I have a secret love affair with cheek and lip stains.

It really is the best idea, especially living in AZ.

It's just too darn hot to wear anything too heavy here.

I started using Benefit's Benetint in '01.

I loved it, the rosy hint on my lips and cheeks.

And so began my 5 yr long affair.

And then came my real love, Matt.

And he HATED it.

He despised the rose water taste.

So, with a heavy heavy, I bid adieu.

To Benetint, not Matt.

Just to clarify.

See?

That's how much I loved my Boo.

I gave up MAKE UP for him.

Heavy, I know.

But then about 2 yrs ago, we were at the mall,

(See, that's how I know he loved me: he took me shopping)

and I was in my mecca, Sephora.

I came across this little tube of wonder,

Lorac Sheer Wash.

LOVED IT!

It was perfect.

More rosy than Benetint (which is good for my coloring)

but none of the rose water taste.

Needless to say, Boo loved it too.

Well, now I'm on a budget (or trying to be)

so Lorac is out for a while.

But Target, my other mecca, came through.

CG Outlast lip stain.

Not as versatile as Lorac, but many more colors.

I just have to swipe it on, dab a little aquaphor for moisture and off I go.

Oh, I am such a girly-girl.

When I get a little more $ in my budget, I want to try this Duwop one.

It's definitely on my "I Wanna" list.

A love of small towns...

2009-07-30T00:24:00.000-07:00

I finally got to see what the much touted Pioneer Day festiveties were all about.
And I loved them!
Pics and stories to come.
Promise.

All in the name of Science

2009-07-29T23:59:00.000-07:00

So I had a lab due for my Environmental Biology class today.
It dealt with seed dispersal.
I had to see how far some seeds in my Biology kit would travel in wind, water and by animal.
Well, the only animal I have access to is Zerk, Lincoln's cat.
The exact instructions were
"Do one other test such as throwing the seed against a furry/hairy animal.
Did it stick? Describe what you did and the results."
So that's what I did.
Or tried to do.
The darn cat wouldn't let me!!
He got all offended that I would even try.
He just looked at me, lazily opening one eye.
Then he just walked away, and I swear he rolled his eyes at me.
What a tool!!
How's that for results?!

Summer Fun...

2009-07-10T13:56:00.000-07:00

in these Steve Madden San Frann's is undeniable!

However, the price on these Merona Eleora's is attainable.

I have them in Hot Pink and Chartreuse.

2 for the price of 1.

Can't beat that.

D'oh!

2009-07-08T23:26:00.000-07:00

So I was at Ocean Blue tonight with Meg and Beth.
Yum!
I was putting some delicious Fruity Pebbles on my
Key Lime and Pineapple sorbet concoction,
when these two gents next to me ask if cereal on Fro-Yo is good.
"Dude, it is so good, Yo. For realsies."
Yeah.
That was my answer.
I said this in public.
How old am I again?
These poor guys just looked at me.
I could totally read their thought bubbles:
"Look at this middle-aged woman trying to be hip. Pathetic."
I can't help it, though.
I like colorful language.
It's fun, Yo.
I gots the 'tude that's got nothin' to do with age.
So bring it!

Mmmmm...

2009-07-07T23:34:00.000-07:00

Smells like Starbursts!!
Meg did my hair and had fun infusing my curlies with this deliciousness!!
I love new hair.
But I love new hair products even more!!

Summer Toes

2009-07-06T20:58:00.000-07:00

You wanna know what screams summer to me?
Bright traffic-stopping toes!
I present:
Madame President
brought to you by Sephora by OPI
Delish!
and Ambitious.
What say you?

New Title...Same Goal

2009-07-06T00:13:00.000-07:00

Kay, so it's coming on to 6 months.
Crazy how time flies, huh?
Life is hard and so unfair sometimes.
We all complain about all our hardships and our struggles.
But I don't want to do that anymore.
I don't want to focus on the crap that we are given.
Yesterday, as I sat outside in the hot balmy air
watching the night sky light up with all the
colors of the rainbow in honor of our country's Independence,
I decided to liberate myself.
These past 6 months have been a prison
in which I so desperately wanted to dwell and disappear.

Do you wake up in the morning and need help to lift your head?
Do you read obituaries and feel jealous of the dead?
It's like living on a cliff side not knowing when you'll dive.
Do you know, do you know what it's like to die alive?
When the world that once had color fades to white and gray and black.
When tomorrow terrifies you, but you'll die if you look back.
You don't know.
I know you don't know.
You say that you're hurting, it sure doesn't show.
You don't know.
It lays me so low. When you say let go, but I say you don't know.
The sensation that you're screaming, but you never make a sound.
Or the feeling that you're falling, but you never hit the ground.
It just keeps on rushing at you day by day by day by day.
You don't know, you don't know what it's like to live that way.
Like a refugee, a fugitive, forever on the run.
If it gets me it will kill me, but I don't know what I've done.
-Next to Normal:Brian Yorkey/Tom Kitt

The future is like a great massive abyss.
And is scares the hell out of me.
I feel like I am standing at the precipice of Life
and everyone is behind me, nudging me forward, crowding me...
I know I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other,
but I don't think I'm ready to take the leap.
I just want to stay in this moment a little bit longer.
But the problem is that this moment is not
the happiest moment I could have hoped for.
In fact, it downright sucks.
But it is my moment.
So I will make it happy.
With all the little things this world has to offer.
I will continue to be the girl that makes a wish on the first evening star,
the girl who loves to blow on a dandelion
and send the fluff floating into the world,
the girl who devours romance novels and firmly believes they are non-fiction.
The happiest moments in my 29 years of Life have been with Matt.
I will find my Happiness again:
in Watermelon painted toes
a new book
singing at the top of my lungs (off-key)
getting a Degree
new shoes
playing with Kate's puppy
Rock Band
maybe writing?
I will find my Matt again.

So let's begin this Odyssey down the Yellow Brick Road.
Let's find the Wizard.

Me Likey!

2009-06-25T21:12:00.000-07:00

I think she is lovely!!!
I never learned how to ride a bike, but I have always wanted one.
I think I have a balance problem.
I always fall over.
TIMMMM-BERRRRRRRR!!!!!
So I am hoping I don't fall over on this?
Ain't she so cute?

A Trip Down Memory Lane...

2009-06-24T22:33:00.001-07:00

I read these books when I was in 5th and 6th grade.
Boy, but I loved them!!
I looked forward to our Scholastic Book Order forms!
I would run home and circle every book I would want
and then wave it in front of Mom.
She would then let me pick two books.
My Sunfire was always one of those two books.
They were so romantic and full of adventure.
The perfect read for a little girl with a big imagination.
In each one, we have a girl on the brink of womanhood
who has two men to choose from.
My favorite part is that each one takes place in a significant time in history,
Pearl Harbor, the Gold Rush, the Great Blizzard of 1888, the Revolutionary War...
the list goes on and the adventures ensue.
These books have been out of print for a while,
but little by little I have been getting my grubby little hands on them.
Now I am just looking for two more, "Elizabeth" and "Susannah".
I am seriously devouring each and every book right now.
They are so tender and exciting.
I love that I have them once more.

Another Day in Primary

2009-06-14T21:43:00.000-07:00

It was a good day in Primary today.
Granted, I did only have 2 munchkins.
That might have had something to do with.
We discussed what our blessings were by building a Blessings Tree.
When we got to "Eternal Family",
Kelsey stated that we have our Family forever.
I replied "That's right! And that's a good thing, right?"
Which she promptly replied with "Yes."
Then she followed it up with "Family is good,
but you don't bite your sisters or punch them."
What else could I say?
"Umm... yes that is a good point. That's not a Blessing."
Yeah, those were my words.
So eloquent, aren't I?
They were so cute!
After our lesson, we went on to make flowers,
each petal having a blessing on it.
I don't know if the concept was too lofty for them, but they had fun.
And the flowers turned out WAY bigger than I expected!
They were ginormous!
Next time, I'll scale them down a bit.
Now hopefully I can keep them as entertained when I have seven munchkins.
There is strength in numbers and they know it.
I can feel it.
I'll just have to bring more Cheezits and Teddy Grahams.
I am not above bribery.

So You Think You Can Dance (Dance, Dance...)

2009-06-10T22:50:00.000-07:00

Shaping up to be a great season.

I tried to pick my top 5 couples, but I couldn't go past 6 couples.

I tried! Truly, I did!

Well, anyway, here are my top 6 couples (in no particular order):

Phillip and Jeanine

Evan and Randi

Ade and Melissa

Kupono and Ashley

Brandon and Jeanette

Max and Kayla

Oh! and I also really liked Jason!

His feet work was A-maz-ing!

Kaitlin was OK.

Anyway, those are my picks so far.

It's going to be a hard season if they keep it up.

Geez, but I love this show!

Not prepared...

2009-06-09T22:05:00.000-07:00

Just finished watching P.S. I Love You
No warning
Punch in the gut
Can't formulate words...
thoughts...
feelings...
Just trying to catch a breath
Just trying...

Kate's Birthday!

2009-06-01T22:56:00.001-07:00

Fun High Jinks Paninis Margaritas Birthday Daisies

Frosting Tiff Rock Band Artichoke Dip Friendship Beth

No Doubt Kate "Classic Peg" Table Salt Hot

Surprise Linc Hobo Meg Laughter Watermelon

Cantaloupe Dishes Leftovers Clark

Love Pink Target Lady

UP!

2009-06-01T22:27:00.001-07:00

OMG!!

I loved this movie.

Serious heartfelt love.

It was what a Pixar movie is:

Funny, touching, clever, inspiring...

This is a movie for everyone.

I can't wait for Ann and Sheril to see it!

I wish I could see it with them,

just to see their faces.

Oh, that would make me so happy.

And although Wall-e is still my favorite, this one hit close to my heart.

The beginning is a small montage of his life.

It was just ...beautiful.

The fact that it can invoke such emotion without any words is astounding.

It had me weeping and giggling at the same time.

The rest of the movie was so sparkling!

So whimsical and charming.

You can't help but fall in love with everyone in this movie.

Please, ya'll go see this movie.

Tell me what you think.

Eternity...

2009-05-28T00:27:00.000-07:00

I miss him.

Everyday.

I look around me and everything reminds me of him.

And although it is painful, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

That's how much he was entwined in my Life.

It's crazy how much changes in the blink of an eye.

I, who never gave marriage a thought, fell for a Man.

Fell so deeply and so truly.

I felt I was created to marry him.

To make him happy.

I accepted my fate willingly.

I ran to it with open arms.

But now I feel unsettled, uncertain, unbalanced...

a whole lot of "un"s.

Luckily, my Boo gave me a wonderful gift, knowledge.

It is because of this knowledge I feel steady.

May 23, 2009

The day I breathed.

There I stood, in my Sherbet colored dress,

holding my bouquet of white Spider mums,

on the Temple steps, surrounded by those who love me,

knowing that he and I are Forever.

It was perfect.

Bittersweet and perfect.

Bitter because he wasn't there, holding my hand, making a funny face at me

and Sweet... because he was there, probably making a funny face at me.

Perfect because he and I are now Timeless, Forever, Eternal.

This is a Truth that holds all the molecules that make up Liz together.

A certain Future ahead.

A poignant Past behind.

A wobbly Present at best.

But I am here, albeit reluctantly.

Breathing.

Eyes ahead.

Come what may.

Flight of The Conchords

2009-05-20T10:45:00.000-07:00

These guys are HILL-arious!

I thank Matt for introducing them to me.

My life has been enriched.

If Music be the Food of Love, Play on.

2009-05-08T23:26:00.000-07:00

Ah, Mr Shakespeare, did you really know all there was to know?
Or did you just guess?
Crazy how it seems that you can find all the answers to the world in
two little books:
The Bible
&
The Complete Works of Shakespeare
I sit here, laughing at myself, because did I really just realize this?
Really?
Music is so important in my life.
It fills me up.
It gives me a release of all emotions,
whether it's happiness, motivation, grief, love, fear, anger...
It lets me say what I need to say with someone else's words.
And somehow, it feels safer that way.
Sometimes I go looking for that release, wanting to just...shake it out.
But other times...
Other times it just creeps up on me,
Unexpected.
Those are the times I feel the music before I actually hear it.
It washes over me, so subtly at first, then, before I know it,
I just give way to it,
letting it take me where I so obviously need to go.
It's a very cathartic experience.
Here I am, creating something on Photoshop, singing along with Journey, Prince, Kelly, Janis, Meatloaf, Flo Rida, absentmindedly...
when all of a sudden a silly little song comes on.
One I've yet to listen to off of Katy Perry's "One of the Boys."
All of a sudden, the hairs on my arms rise,
my eyes start to water,
my breathing seems to slow down,
and then...
Release.
I didn't even know the song.
I didn't even listen to the words.
But there was something about the sound of it that got me.
And now,
I'm spent.
I'm done.

It's the little things

2009-05-04T23:30:00.000-07:00

I had a good Sunday.

I taught my first Primary Lesson.

Needless to say, I was terrified.

I teach 5 year olds.

And those stinkers are SMART!

Like, for reals!

Last Sunday, when I opened the book to see what I was to teach, I think I laughed out loud.

One of those deep, belly laughs that echo for what seems like an eternity.

"How the Book of Mormon came forth"

That's what I had to teach 5 year olds.

I barely know how the Book of Mormon came forth!

I think I stressed for days trying to figure out a way to teach and keep them entertained.

I'm good with kids one-on-one, but in a group...

I always told Matt that we would only have two, count them, TWO, children.

I would keep an eye on one and he would keep an eye on the other.

We would be able to man the field better that way.

More than two and they take over.

Game over, Man.

So, I was talking to some girls at work and they were wonderful fountains of knowledge.

Thank goodness.

I started out the lesson with pictures on the board along with the story

and I had them repeat after me.

Then we went on a scavenger hunt.

They had so much fun, we did it a couple of times.

First I hid the "golden plates" and they had to find them.

Then the boys hid them and the girls found them.

THEN the girls hid them and the boys found them.

I think it worked.

A little too well.

They were running all over the place, with me after them.

It's hard to run demurely in a skirt and heels.

Then we did our own translation of the Golden Plates (what the BofM has taught them)
with brand new crayons!

Mmmm....I love the smell of brand new crayons.

It smells like excitement and innocence,

with a touch of a summer day spent with friends giggling and gossiping.

I love that smell.

Afterward we finished the day off with some play dough.

It was a good finish to a good day.

I started out with 4 munchkins and I ended with 4 munchkins.

Can't ask for more than that.

And guess what?

I learned right along with them.

Go ahead, ask me anything.

I dare ya.

Sorry...

2009-04-28T12:48:00.000-07:00

Another case of the Mean Reds.

Life sucks sometimes.

I just want to sleep.

Close my eyes and hopefully have a lovely dream.

One of those dreams that put a smile on your face.

One of those dreams that leave you feeling like all is right with the world.

I crave a dream like that.

Is it better?

2009-04-14T23:44:00.000-07:00

"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

~Alfred Lord Tennyson, 1850

I first heard this quote when I was 13. I remember because I laughed at this ridiculous concept.
"How can you miss something you never had?" 13 year old me asked.
"Wouldn't it be better to not know?
To never have felt that heartache?"
I asked as I lay on my wrought iron daybed in my pink room, book shelves lining my walls, filled with Harlequin romances, Sweet Valley High, Babysitters Club, Sunfire Romances, Judy Blume, and anything else that made my little heart flutter.
You see, this notion echoed deep in my soul.
And it made me a little afraid.
It was my first real sense of fear toward Love.
Up until that point, Love had been as rose colored as the comforter I lay upon,
and the idea of Love was as warm and secure as that comforter.
But those words...
They left me cold.
How can this wonderful, most magnificent concept be associated with this terror that now creeped into my sheltered life?
Since that moment, I had always been leery of Love.
Oh sure, I loved a good romance, Hallmark commercials always made me sniffle, and what girl doesn't like pink, but Love, real Love, the kind that Lord Tennyson was anguishing about, I didn't want anything to do with it.
No sirree. No thank you.
But then, one day, out of the blue, my little heart fluttered once more.
It was a bit startling.
I had lived 25 years being just fine with superficial Love. It was safe.
And now this.
I didn't know how to handle it.
Luckily, he was patient. And kind. And warm.
And I felt safe.
For once, I felt secure.
And I let my little heart flutter.
And now...
Now I look back at that 13 year old freckle faced girl with the frizzy brown hair,
and I wonder if she was right all along?
Was she right to scoff at Lord Tennyson?
Is it better to have loved and lost?
In my heart, yes.
Yes, it is better.
Because those memories are inimitable and exceptional.
That time will forever live on because of those memories.
But it's my head that's the problem here.
It's that dang irrepressible teenager.
Logic dictates that she was right.
My head acknowledges this because it is witness to what my heart is going through.
If my silly little heart had never been allowed to flutter, would it miss what it never had?
So I'm back at square one: Is it better?
I truly don't know.
What I do know, is this:
I was loved.
I loved and was loved in return.
And that keeps my heart from shattering.
So maybe it can flutter once more.
Someday.

Pet Peeves!

2009-04-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

Ali and I were talking last Saturday about our pet peeves. I thought about that conversation all weekend long. Then sitting on the couch in the living room on Sunday, it hit me:

I am a petty, impatient, and shallow person. I really am! I have tons of pet peeves!

I honestly don't know how I can leave the house knowing that I am going to encounter some cringe-inducing mess. Here is a condensed list of what makes me go "eewwww":

1. Leaving the door open

Do you do this at your house? Com'on, common courtesy, folks!

2. Misspellings

We do have spell check now. How hard is it to click on an icon?

3. People who don't commit to plans.

"Hey, what are you doing Saturday?"

"Nothing."

"You wanna go see a movie?"

"I don't know."

WTH!

4. Orange tans

Really?!

5. Skinny Jeans

only 2% of the population can really wear them right. I, of course, am not one of the 2%.

6. Talking through a show

Occasionally is fine, but through the whole show? Seriously?!

7. Not responding to a text

How hard is it to press a couple of buttons to let me know you are busy?

8. Lipstick that looks red in the tube, but comes out orangey-pink.

Doesn't look good on anybody.

9. Stupid questions/ asking questions I already gave an answer to

Did you miss Listening day in kindergarten?

10. Offering to do something and never getting around to it

Then don't offer. I was fine before, I'll be fine again!

Crap!

I had a lousy Monday.

And a case of the mean reds.

Sorry.

It could happen...

2009-03-31T22:47:00.000-07:00

So today, TWH stayed open late for those brides who work 9 to 5.

Now I was the only one there ready to give tours and information to those

poor girls. Everything was great, till 8 o'clock hit. Now normally Matt would have met me at work and helped me lock up,

not that I was scared or anything, he was just chivalrous.

(OK, I was a little scared.)

But today was one of those "without Matt" days.

You know, the ones where you turn to ask him a question about your computer, or ask his opinion on the latest movie, or have him hook some electronic monster and all its cables, or just to see his smiling face, only to remember that he's not there. I think I was subconsciously waiting for him to appear and help me lock up. Once I realized that it would be just me, I has to "gather" and start to walk across the dark property all alone.

I started to freak myself out, due to those Zombie-killing video games.

For realsies!

I started thinking this would be where they come out and eat my brains.

So I tried calling some friends so I would have someone to talk to.

But NO ONE would answer their phones!!

Not even my own Mother!

In my mind, the same Zombies came out of the woodwork, had a delicious feast of my brains, and went to their Zombie-home to sleep it off. I had to start singing out loud so I can hear something besides every other little sound (that the Zombies were making. They're not that smart, even with all the brains they eat.) Finally, I made it back to the office (in one piece) and turned on the alarm, and went home.

Seriously, I have an overactive imagination sometimes.

Next time, guys, answer the phone.

It could be a matter of life or death.

No Joke.

Grrr...

2009-03-26T01:11:00.000-07:00

Can't sleep.

Hate not sleeping.

I just lie there.

Pillows surrounding me.

Thinking.

But not sleeping.

Just lying there.

Thinking.

Waiting...

Delish!

2009-03-22T17:08:00.000-07:00

Thank you , Kate, for bringing into my life a new love: Ocean Blue!

The most exquisite and flavorful fro-yo.

AND you get to put on toppings!

Toppings such as:

fresh fruit

nuts

crushed candy/chocolate

etc...

But the best by far is ...

wait for it...

FRUITY PEBBLES!!

No joke.

It is divine.

So again, Thanks Kate!

Love you!

Cheese alert! Proceed with caution.

2009-03-19T00:19:00.000-07:00

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

If I should die before I wake

It's 'cause you took my breath away

Losing you is like living in a world with no air

I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave

My heart won't move, it's incomplete

Wish there was a way that I can make you understand

But how do you expect me

To live alone with just me

'Cause my world revolves around you

It's so hard for me to breathe

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

Can't live, can't breathe with no air

That's how I feel whenever you ain't there

There's no air

No Air/J. Fauntleroy IIEric "Blue Tooth" GriggsH. Mason Jr.,D. ThomasS. Russell

I love this song.

It reminds me of last season's "So You Think You Can Dance" when Katie and Joshua rocked it.

Matt and I would watch it every week.

We loved it!

He was excited when Joshua and Twitch were in the top 2.

Ah, Damn.

Ya know, sometimes it feels that way, like you can't breathe.

Like you try to get air in and your are just left gasping.

This is hard.

It sucks that anyone has to deal with loss and have to keep going.

It's not fair.

It feels like your whole world is haunted.

Maybe that's why I love this song.

It's kinda haunting too.

Crap, but being strong is hard!

Ch-ch-ch-changes!!

2009-03-15T17:46:00.001-07:00

So my Life has been through lots of changes in the past couple of months,

most of them against my will.

I'm a girl who likes to have some semblance of control in her Life,

but lately I feel caught up in a whirlwind. Everything is changing,

somethings for the good, others downright horrendous:

My Boo's not with me,

going back to school,

learning how to drive,

relearning how to be alone,

getting a computer and trying to figure it out,

paying bills,

opening up bank accounts,

busy season at work,

sleeping alone,

new ward,

trying to figure where my life needs to go next,

etc...

All of theses changes are "because I need to" changes.

Those are the worst. Don't get me wrong, they can be great changes,

but they are changes that need to be made, have to be made, not much choice there.

So I decided to make a "because I want to" change.

A drastic one.

Since Megan was in town this past weekend, I let her help me.

I feel...now this might sound silly, but I feel a bit liberated.

I feel like I have some control back.

I told you . Silly.

But I'm happy.

It's crazy what a little haircut will do for a girl's morale.

(Although why I'm doing crazy eyes in both pictures is beyond me!)

Driving!!

2009-03-13T00:00:00.000-07:00

Yes! You read the title correctly!! I drove!! By myself!!

And I'm still alive!

Whoa!

OK, so my instructor came to pick me up.

I wasn't sure exactly what to expect.

I get in the car and he says we are going to a parking lot so that he can see how advanced I am.

I could have saved him the trouble: I've never driven. Not with other cars on the street.

Not with stoplights, turns, pedestrians.

Did I mention NOT with other cars!?!?

Anyway, he had me drive around the parking lot, had me make left and right turns.

Then he said it was time for a break.

I said "Heck, yes!" (Well, I thought it, anyway.)

We went to the QT on University and Extension.

Now University around this intersection is pretty busy, especially around 4 pm.

Chris, my admirable instructor, goes to get a drink and writes up some notes, telling me what I need to work on (i.e EVERYTHING!) then proceeds to tell me that I am now going to drive.

Me!!

By myself!!

He states that I have been doing so good so far and he thinks that I am ready.

After only 1 hour!!

Needless to say, I begin to question his sanity.

So I get behind the wheel and slowly back out.

I get to the sidewalk and realize I have to make a left turn onto University.

A LEFT HAND TURN!!!

I basically had to screw my courage to the sticking place and do it.

So... I did it!

I made a left hand turn onto University!

I then proceeded to drive all the way down to Power, the on to Baseline,

to Lindsay and on Home!

I drove all that way without any mishap!

Crazy!!

OK, I confess.

I did make a small mistake right when I was turning onto my street.

I was making a right hand turn; I stepped on the break, turned the wheel, and instead of stepping on the gas, I just stepped harder on the break!!

I pretty much stopped in mid turn!!

D'oh!

Anyway, besides that, I had no mishaps.

I'm pretty excited to do this.

It's my next big step to independence, to empowerment.

It's a little mind blowing.

Watch out World!

A day I thought would never come

2009-03-10T23:20:00.000-07:00

Driving.

Tomorrow.

At 2:45 pm Arizona time.

Make sure to keep your kids home.

Poor Guy!

2009-03-03T01:45:00.000-08:00

We had fun, didn't we?

Meet Shelby!

2009-03-02T21:30:00.000-08:00

Ain't she a beaut!

She's so pretty!

And she's all mine!

I know Matt's rolling his eyes, but I can't help it!

I'm a girl!

And I love it!